Most of us have intimacy blocks that keep us from connecting to one another.
We often find that we encounter the same problems in relationships with different people. The modern approach is to project the source of these problems onto others. How often do we hear “I only attract the wrong type”. However, the only common denominator in all your relationships is you.
We embrace tantric principles and become true to ourselves, our relationships improve exponentially. Once those blocks are released then you are free to explore the love within you and be able to connect to another.
Loving yourself first
We cannot love another before we love ourselves. Love comes first from honesty with ourselves. As a defense mechanism we blame the world around us for the faults in ourselves. This then manifests itself as anger and arguments as we project self loathing outwards and in the end just spread that unhappiness. By being truthful with ourselves, we can learn to accept who we are. When we accept who we are, we begin to love ourselves. Only when we love ourselves have we love to give to another.
Whether we practice tantra or not, we subconsciously see in others what we see in ourselves. If we find fault in our own personalities, we will find something wrong with everyone we meet. We will resent and envy. Tantra allows us to connect to who we really are. Tantra gives us the vision to see the best in ourselves, the key to open our emotions and experience them fully.
Every successful relationship is based on openness and being emotionally available to your partner.
A relationship is not just a physical union of two bodies, it is the embrace of two spirits and minds. It will only work when both parties are willing to be completely open, both emotionally and spiritually. Openness is scary at first, it leaves us completely vulnerable. It is this fear that creates the emotional blocks that prevent you from truly loving another.
How tantra practices can improve your relationship
Tantra requires you to be totally open both with yourself and your partner. Tantra often evokes thoughts of heightened sensual and physical awareness. It is even more applicable to the emotional self.
Take time regularly to be completely open with your partner about how you are feeling. Take a set amount of time where you focus entirely on discussing your relationship. Phones switched off, no TV or distractions. Tell them exactly how you are feeling and allow them to do the same. Let them say everything they need and don’t judge. This is particularly effective in dealing with negative emotions.
Negative emotions like jealousy and distrust become toxic very fast when left to fester. By creating this space where you and your partner are self aware and comfortable enough to release them before they cause problems, you keep your relationship healthy.
Check in with your partner often. Create a time and space where you get to know them in depth. Many couples complain that they don’t know their partner. By taking time to express an interest in and learn about your partner, you become much closer to them and forge a much stronger emotional bond. Open talking like this is only possible when both parties are completely comfortable with themselves and this is where loving yourself is important.
A huge part of how tantra can improve your relationship is about taking the time for proper and intense communication.
It is often said that bonds are forged out of shared experiences, be they agony or ecstasy and this is very true. By taking time to openly share your inner most thoughts and experiences with someone, you allow them to become and more importantly feel close to you.
For men in particular it is important to be vulnerable in front of their partners. By throwing off societal norms and enforced stereotypes, men can get rid of the many of the blocks that prevent them from forming a true bond. Many women say they have never seen their partner cry but this is a natural emotion reaction to many feelings. By creating a space where both partners feel safe enough to do this, they are creating a place where both can be true to themselves and as a result true to each other.
Tantra focuses on the application of its principles, rather than its theory. It is more important to try and do than it is to know. Begin by doing and finding what works for your relationship. It need only be five minutes of totally honest conversation between two open human beings.